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The random story thread

Kongming

Member
Mar 13, 2019
3,799
2,392
That was really brilliant, wasn't it. A case of "You mess with the bull, you get the horns."
 

publicrealm

Member
Nov 27, 2018
7,605
10,389
Very sad - let's hope it's not too badly damaged...


Notre Dame cathedral has caught fire, according to the Parisian fire service and eyewitnesses.

Footage posted online shows a large fire engulfing the upper part of the cathedral.

A major operation was under way, the fire department added, while a city hall spokesman said on Twitter that the area was being cleared
.

 
Feb 16, 2019
927
498
This morning I wake up and the tinnitus and vertigo that plagued me for the past week were gone. Not alone could I turn off the subtitles on the telly but I could even get to the remote without doing 3 laps of the couch.

A good day. I was feeling, if not like a 25 year old, then maybe a 55 year old. And then I saw this:-



Throughout my time in national school I sat at a desk like that. I may even have sat at that very one. And they're selling it as an antique!

What does that make me?

For the benefit of younger readers, that circular hole would have contained a little ceramic pot filled with ink because in those ancient times we wrote with pen and ink. The brass frame had a sliding lid that covered the inkwell when not in use.

Boys being boys we would on occasion slide open the lid, get our heads down low to the desk and blow across the inkwell. Get the angle right and you sprayed a film of ink over the back of the boy in front. Get it wrong and the ink went all over your face. There was also a very strong likelihood that the teacher would give physical expression to his disappointment in you.

An antique! Bastards!
 

Kongming

Member
Mar 13, 2019
3,799
2,392
This morning I wake up and the tinnitus and vertigo that plagued me for the past week were gone. Not alone could I turn off the subtitles on the telly but I could even get to the remote without doing 3 laps of the couch.

A good day. I was feeling, if not like a 25 year old, then maybe a 55 year old. And then I saw this:-



Throughout my time in national school I sat at a desk like that. I may even have sat at that very one. And they're selling it as an antique!

What does that make me?

For the benefit of younger readers, that circular hole would have contained a little ceramic pot filled with ink because in those ancient times we wrote with pen and ink. The brass frame had a sliding lid that covered the inkwell when not in use.

Boys being boys we would on occasion slide open the lid, get our heads down low to the desk and blow across the inkwell. Get the angle right and you sprayed a film of ink over the back of the boy in front. Get it wrong and the ink went all over your face. There was also a very strong likelihood that the teacher would give physical expression to his disappointment in you.

An antique! Bastards!
My dude.....I Don't Like Mondays was a Number 1

Forty years ago.
 

Bill

Member
Mar 9, 2019
2,243
2,438
Livin' La Veda Lockdown
This morning I wake up and the tinnitus and vertigo that plagued me for the past week were gone. Not alone could I turn off the subtitles on the telly but I could even get to the remote without doing 3 laps of the couch.

A good day. I was feeling, if not like a 25 year old, then maybe a 55 year old. And then I saw this:-



Throughout my time in national school I sat at a desk like that. I may even have sat at that very one. And they're selling it as an antique!

What does that make me?

For the benefit of younger readers, that circular hole would have contained a little ceramic pot filled with ink because in those ancient times we wrote with pen and ink. The brass frame had a sliding lid that covered the inkwell when not in use.

Boys being boys we would on occasion slide open the lid, get our heads down low to the desk and blow across the inkwell. Get the angle right and you sprayed a film of ink over the back of the boy in front. Get it wrong and the ink went all over your face. There was also a very strong likelihood that the teacher would give physical expression to his disappointment in you.

An antique! Bastards!
For the benefit of younger viewers, one of the first things you learned in school was NEVER put your hand into the desk . Somethings in there have been there for many years and don't like to be disturbed.
 

Mitsui2

Member
Nov 30, 2018
1,412
2,777
Between Time and Timbuktu
For the benefit of younger viewers, one of the first things you learned in school was NEVER put your hand into the desk . Somethings in there have been there for many years and don't like to be disturbed.
So you were the little bastard who disturbed my long and well-earned sleep!

Oh well - it cost you two fingers so I suppose it was a fair enough exchange.

Hope the bites healed quickly!
 
D

Deleted member 72

Guest
Our ducks are back.
Of course they are! Over here taking our jobs, wimmin ducks and prams. This invasion will spell the end of the True Gaelic Duck.......


Edit: Sorry, I though you said the ducks are black.

My bad.
 

ted08

Member
Jan 7, 2019
3,233
3,030
Of course they are! Over here taking our jobs, wimmin ducks and prams. This invasion will spell the end of the True Gaelic Duck.......


Edit: Sorry, I though you said the ducks are black.

My bad.
Oi quit spamming my thread with your random black duck schtick
 

Statsman

The nice one, or so it seemed.
Staff member
Moderator
Member
Nov 28, 2018
10,770
11,819
A quiet retirement home
I picked up my high tech Garda security clearance badge for driving to the Shannon office next week during the Dumpster visit. It's an A4 sheet of white paper with a number printed on it plus my name and car registration in black marker.
 
D

Deleted member 72

Guest
I picked up my high tech Garda security clearance badge for driving to the Shannon office next week during the Dumpster visit. It's an A4 sheet of white paper with a number printed on it plus my name and car registration in black marker.
This high-tech world of security eh?
 

ted08

Member
Jan 7, 2019
3,233
3,030
The young lad got a whack in the back of the head with a hurl. Lots of blood, nice little chunk taken out. Only down the road from a&e, gets cleaned up. He'll be alright, just waiting on the doc to glue it.

But lo and behold, what do I see in the children's waiting area and I immediately thought how outraged Gemma would be. A unicorn, a rainbow, diamonds, clouds, stars, and most chilling of all, 'born to sparkle'
 

hollandia

Literally knows shit
Staff member
Moderator
Member
The young lad got a whack in the back of the head with a hurl. Lots of blood, nice little chunk taken out. Only down the road from a&e, gets cleaned up. He'll be alright, just waiting on the doc to glue it.

But lo and behold, what do I see in the children's waiting area and I immediately thought how outraged Gemma would be. A unicorn, a rainbow, diamonds, clouds, stars, and most chilling of all, 'born to sparkle'
Make sure he gets the hurl straight back into his hand when he's recovered. That's what was known as a "tightener" back when I played.
 

ted08

Member
Jan 7, 2019
3,233
3,030
Make sure he gets the hurl straight back into his hand when he's recovered. That's what was known as a "tightener" back when I played.
Ah he'll be grand. Home now, they had to staple it in the end. I told him he'll be setting off the metal detector in the airport next week which he thought was hilarious.
 
D

Deleted member 52

Guest
The young lad got a whack in the back of the head with a hurl. Lots of blood, nice little chunk taken out. Only down the road from a&e, gets cleaned up. He'll be alright, just waiting on the doc to glue it.

But lo and behold, what do I see in the children's waiting area and I immediately thought how outraged Gemma would be. A unicorn, a rainbow, diamonds, clouds, stars, and most chilling of all, 'born to sparkle'

Lee Chin gave our lad a whack some years ago (our lad got a County medal after it though), a big lump on his leg, a hospital visit and it turned out to be nothing.

Although the back of the head is serious enough, hope your chap is fine and well and avoiding unicorns.
 
Feb 16, 2019
927
498
The young lad got a whack in the back of the head with a hurl. Lots of blood, nice little chunk taken out. Only down the road from a&e, gets cleaned up. He'll be alright, just waiting on the doc to glue it.

But lo and behold, what do I see in the children's waiting area and I immediately thought how outraged Gemma would be. A unicorn, a rainbow, diamonds, clouds, stars, and most chilling of all, 'born to sparkle'
Lucky lad. He could've fallen off a swing!
 

ruserious

Member
Dec 4, 2018
5,314
5,152

Firefly123

Member
Nov 27, 2018
2,177
2,815
An unrolled tweet thread....

ONE

My dad died. Classic start to a funny story. He was buried in a small village in Sussex. I was really close to my dad so I visited his grave a lot. I still do. [DON’T WORRY, IT GETS FUNNIER.]
I always took flowers and my mum visited a lot and she always took flowers and my grandparents were still alive then and they always took flowers. My dad’s grave frequently resembled a solid third place at the Chelsea Flower Show.
Nice but I felt bad for the guy buried next to my dad. He NEVER had flowers. Died on Christmas Day aged 37, no one left him flowers and now there’s a pop-up florist in the grave next door. So I started buying him flowers. I STARTED BUYING FLOWERS FOR A DECEASED MAN I’D NEVER MET.
I did this for quite some time, but I never mentioned it to anyone. It was a little private joke with myself, I was making the world a better place one bunch of flowers at a time. I know it sounds weird but I came to think of him as a friend.
I wondered if there was a hidden connection between us, something secretly drawing me to him. Maybe we went to the same school, played for the same football club or whatever. So I googled his name, and ten seconds later I found him.
His wife didn’t leave him flowers BECAUSE HE’D MURDERED HER. ON CHRISTMAS DAY. After he murdered his wife, he murdered her parents too. And after that he jumped in front of the only train going through Balcombe tunnel that Christmas night.
THAT was why no one ever left him flowers. No one except me, of course. I left him flowers. I left him flowers every couple of weeks. Every couple of weeks FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS.
I felt terrible for his wife and her parents. Now, I wasn’t going to leave them flowers every couple of weeks for two and a half years but I did feel like I owed them some sort of apology.
I found out where they were buried, bought flowers and drove to the cemetery. As I was standing at their graves mumbling apologies, a woman appeared behind me. She wanted to know who I was and why I was leaving flowers for her aunt and grandparents. AWKWARD.
I explained and she said ok that’s weird but quite sweet. I said thanks, yes it is a bit weird and oh god I ASKED HER OUT FOR A DRINK. Incredibly, she said yes. Two years later she said yes again when I asked her to marry me because that is how I met my wife.

[END]
 
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